I've always wanted to be famous ever since I was a little kid. I was either going to be an astronaut, or a movie star, or a rock star. Now, however, I'm not sure if I want to. I would love to be an artist and a songwriter because that's all I'm really passionate about. I'm just not sure if I want my whole life on display to my fans and critics alike. I've noticed most artists are feeling the pressure of becoming larger than life and getting judged for every mistake. Guess what, there was only one man that's ever been perfect, and the only one you should expect to be perfect. God made us to fail, so we can grow and change from our mistakes. So don't expect anyone to be perfect, and don't judge them when they're not.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them."

This was a quote shared in my Sociology class by my teacher. To this day I don't remember why it came up or why it was said, but I remember the quote perfectly. It made me think what is the song in my heart? Is it one of desperation? Or one of hope? Or none of the above? Lately, I've noticed that my thoughts turn to despair and desperation about as much as they do to hope and happiness, and I hate feeling the way I do. More importantly, however, I hate to think that other may feel the same way I do, or worse. I've always tried to be a lighthouse in this crazy ocean we call life, but I, too, have felt the merciless waves crash on me. I've been through some life changing downs, and I do not want anyone to have to expierence what I have. So, please, if anyone wants to talk to me about any problem they have, don't hesitate. I will be honest, I will LISTEN (not wait impatiently for my turn to speak), I will not judge, and I will try to help as best I can. Just remember, you must expierence hurt to expierence happiness, and as long as you never give up hope, everything will work out in the end.

QUIET DESPERATION

The lines on your face
they tell me to wait
but how can I hold on?
When everyone says
I'm too big of a chance
for you to intake
but I promise you with all my heart
I'll treat you right, right from the start
The truest of songs you've heard in awhile
is etched right here on my smile

We all live in quiet desperation from time to time

But I refuse to give up the fight
you'll see that I bleed red tonight
when all seems lost, just raise your hands
into the air and say
I refuse to give up the fight
you'll see that I bleed red tonight
when all seems lost, just raise your hands
into the air and say

You told me to move on
but where do I go
in a world that's long gone
when time and again
they caught my sin
of holding on to one more song
but now I can't lie to myself
It's time to move on, I can't take
one more minute alone because a minute with me
is like hell for and eternity

We all live in quiet desperation from time to time

But I refuse to give up the fight
you'll see that I bleed red tonight
when all seems lost, just raise your hands
into the air and say
I refuse to give up the fight
you'll see that I bleed red tonight
when all seems lost, just raise your hands
into the air and say

My music:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Michael-Howell/165192860170347

My poetry:
http://www.writerscafe.org/mikelson/writing/

I love you all!
-Michael Howell

Hey, so... I kinda got bored of the stupid topics for the 30 day blog challenge, so I decided to stop and write about what I wanna write about when I wanna write! haha. Anyways, this is a poem I wrote at work today on the two ten minute breaks I have, so enjoy it!

BEFORE

Yes, I opened the door
into this white room
I saw you, but couldn't look at your face.
Your eyes lit up with
pure joy
and I knew in that moment
You loved me
And I ran out of the room because
the word love scares me
And that word was written
across your forehead

I ran back into the arms of
the ghosts,
the two,
one named first, the other
one and only
because with them
I was comfortable. I was safe.
Maybe I
thought you'd see them
and understand.
Something so hard to ask of you.
I know.

Yes, I'm full of shit
so much my mouth leaks it
every single day,
but I am also full of blood,
which makes me human.
And water,
and muscles, the strongest of which is
my heart. The ghosts
outside your white walls
Rip it apart every single day.
But a muscle becomes stronger
every time it hurts.

So maybe one day
maybe
maybe I can break down these walls
these blue walls and purple chains
and hold you once more
before you leave.
Maybe I can shake hands
with the ghosts. And they'll leave me
be.
Maybe I, too, can open my arms
So you can hold onto me
until your light
and my spark
burn out.

I love you all!
-Michael Howell

The Meaning of My Blog's Name

Sorry I've been missing for the last couple of days, I've had some pretty crazy days so far... Working 12 hours a day so I can pay off a $900 car debt has NOT been too kind to me... Anyways, my next subject in my 30 day blog is the title of my blog's meaning.

MY DREAM TALKING MACHINE

The first thing I have to say about it is: It's kinda plagarized. Coheed and Cambria had a small blog for their "No World For Tomorrow" tour and they called it "My Shit Talking Machine". They said that it was basically a way of just spewing random thoughts on the internet. I took it one step further. I decided to call mine "My Dream Talking Machine" because I wanted to say everything I could imagine in this blog. I still hope I can do that, and hopefully this 30 day thing will help me, if only to give me the habit of blogging every day!

I love you all!

-Michael Howell

Starting the 30 Day Blog challenge

I heard about the 30 day blog challenge from my cousin, Logan, and by reading his awesome blog at omylands.blogspot.com (check it out!) and I thought it sounded fun and interesting, so I decided to shadow his blog and do the same challenge he does. Hopefully he doesn't miss a day, because I don't actually have the list of topic for the next thirty days, I'm just getting them from his blog! So here it goes:

Day 1 - A recent photo and 15 interesting facts about yourself

It actually amazes me that this is my most recent picture, as this was taken about six months ago. I guess I need to take more pictures! This picture was taken last May at the after party of Brighton High School's production of Much Ado about Nothing. Go Training Table!

Anyways, 15 interesting facts about myself? Here we go...

1- I'm adopted. I thought I'd get this one out of the way, because every time I bring this up, someone looks at me, amazed, and exclaims "YOU'RE ADOPTED?!?" Yep!

2- Most of my facial hair grows on my neck. No shave November will be awesome. I'll have the biggest neck beard around. Like... Zach Galifianakis, if all his facial hair grew below his jaw line.

3- I know how to spell Galifianakis without having to look it up. Don't ask me how, I couldn't answer that for you.

4- I play guitar, and besides a teacher telling me what the G, C, and D chords are, I'm self taught. I feel like self teaching is really the way to go, because you skip learning about what chords actually sound good together and you find your own style of music when you teach yourself.

5- I follow bands and musicians like a soccer mom follows trashy actresses. I have many issues of Alternative Press magazine (check it out, GREAT magazine) and most of my time on the internet is spent reading fansites and message boards. I DARE you to come up with a fact about Coheed and Cambria that I don't know already!

6- I'm gonna confess this right now, I feel like I need to get it off my chest... I LOVE Rock Springs, Wyoming. Small towns are great, and even though Rock Springs literally has nothing out there, I still find ways to make it fun. I can't explain it, really, but I just love small towns.

7- I write poetry. You should look it up! www.writerscafe.org/mikelson/writing

8- I'm a huge fan of The Office. I have every episode on Itunes and I watch them regularly. If you give me a quote I could say the name of the episode and who says it almost immediately.

9- Cafe Rio is the most delicious food ever. I could live on nothing but their burritos forever (or until I die at 45)

10- I love to act. I love to write (as stated before). I love to sing. I guess you could just say I love art. In all its forms. I feel like art is the one medium where I can say all I need to and not be judged for it. I'm like a ninja in the way I get my feelings out!

11- I've worked at Hires Big H, Arctic Circle, and Wendy's. I just have McDonalds and Burger King left and I'll have officialy worked at every burger place within a 10 mile radius of my house.

12- I actually LOVE to work. I've worked on many construction sites with my dad's employees and I've never thought of the work being too hard. I feel like no one ever really works until they're sweaty and covered in dirt.

13- I spend alot of my meditation time in the past. I know it's a problem, but I can't seem to forget everything I need to. I always review the past, not in like the "what did I do wrong?" way, but the "I miss everything about these people" way.

14- I love my parents more than I could ever tell them. Isn't it crazy how we can so easily hurt the ones we love the most? If they read this, I want them to know I love them and appreciate everything they do for me.

15- I want to do music for a living. That's it. I can't think of anything else that makes me happier than that. I know it's a horrible career choice, but I just don't care!

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed my 30 day blog kick off! Tune in tomorrow! I love you all

-Michael Howell

I always get the feeling like I NEED to write something down, but I never end up actually writing it down. This is one of those time where I decided to do something about it. Trouble is... I have no idea what to write about.

I started this blog with this one thought: I needed some way to write what I wanna say to people without them actually knowing I'm writing to them. If they read it, great. If not, at least it's done spinning circles in my head and it's out in the open for people to deal with. It was basically my way of saying "screw you!" to everyone I felt like and still being able to hold the "nice guy" title. Why do I feel like I NEED to say so much? Why does anyone? I'm not trying to belittle anyone else in any way at all, I love hearing your ideas and opinions on life. I'm genuinely curious: do we as humans think that no one else has thought of the things we have? Life is a constant process of self discovery and self evaluation. Maybe we want to say things so other people don't make the same mistakes we do. The problem with that, however, is something that works for you and helps you may hurt someone else depending on the situation and the other people involved. Now, I'm not saying we SHOULDN'T try and help people, far from it. But when you give someone advice and they decide it's not right for them, let it go. You don't need to feel personally offended if someone doesn't take your advice. And that goes along with alot of things. DON'T EVER BE OFFENDED IF SOMEONE CHOOSES TO HAVE DIFFERENT STANDARDS THAN YOU DO. Unfortunately, living in Utah, that happens alot more than anyone would ever wanna deal with. And that doesn't matter if you're LDS or not, everyone has their own ideals that they would love to make everyone conform to no matter what those ideals are. I'm thinking of religions, sexual orientations, and every other battle you see around here. Every single person is different from you. Every single person has made mistakes and chosen things you wouldn't have. And vice versa. So judging someone religion or sexual orientation is wrong. They discovered that that's what makes them happy, and you have no right to take that away from them. And... that is my word vomit. Take it how you will, but if you choose to judge me for it, please keep it to yourself, I don't wanna hear about it :) I love you all.

-Michael Howell