ruined.

i really hope this post doesn't offend anyone that reads this... i really don't think it will, seeing as anyone this post is about probably doesn't read this blog in the first place... but i was just thinking about this today, and it's kind of funny, so why not?

also, if my ex's do read this, absolutely no hard feelings.  i'm totally cool doing this stuff, don't think i hate you at all!

also also, taking all the dirty things out there, i know for a fact my mom reads these...

THINGS MY EX GIRLFRIENDS HAVE RUINED FOR ME:

- my birthday

- taylor swift

- pet names

- new year's eve

- 24th of july

- the trail behind my house

- the smell of burnt hair, either from a straightening iron on their hair or a lighter on mine

- doing voices for certain characters while reading something

- aqua di gio (or however you spell it)

- the bachelorette

- duets

- the movie dear john

- bridal magazines

- making things out of play doh

- fat jokes

- walking into an arctic circle

- walking into a hires big h

- and a couple songs of mine.



another possible title to this post:

NOSTALGIA:
NO ONE CARES.

thank you, i love you all!

-michael howell

runnin, runnin.

fact:  the average person has 14 conversations with themselves per minute.

fact:  i have about 100 conversations with myself per minute.

my mind seems to be going at a million miles an hour right now.  i don't know what to say or how i feel.  i feel like the more i try and wrestle my life into submission, the more it kicks and screams and wiggles away from me.  i don't know.  maybe that's what life is, just getting a thing or two accomplished while all the struggles and problems of life take a second to breathe before twitching out from under you again.  all i know is i really don't have enough time in the day anymore.  i'm afraid of what that's like.  but, i have to grow up sometime.

i freak myself out sometimes.

thank you, i love you all.

-michael howell.

veni.vidi.vici.

i thought that becoming busy and running out of time in the day would make me happy. 

it didn't.  it just distracted me.  temporarily.

i have a sick feeling in my stomach that i've already found what makes me happy and i'm ignoring it.  people always say to me that going back there would be a bad decision, there's not enough money to go, there's bad memories and bad people and a loneliness there that destroyed you in the first place.  why would you ever want to go back to that place?  why would you ever want to return to Wyoming?

i've been thinking about that a lot lately.  i really do miss it up there.  i love the cold, i love theater, i love the tight knits people get themselves into up there...  i don't know.  i just know that even through all the shit that was going on within myself while i was there... i was enjoying myself.  i loved being there.

and maybe i just miss being in school.  not living at my parents house, being responsible for eating, sleeping, doing homework, my social life.  but most of all being my own person.  i didn't have to worry about offending my family or hurting anyone up there, because everyone else was in the same boat and they understood.  it was great being away from everybody and just living.  being alive.

but i think a lot of the reason is that i failed up there.  i failed.  and i can't believe it, i refuse to accept that.  i want to go back and prove to everyone that i can do it.

so i don't know.

all i know is that i really wanna go back.  and maybe i will.  or maybe this will play out like every other thought on my future:  i'll think about it and be really excited for about a week then i move on to the next thought.

wyoming, i miss you.

thank you, i love you all.

-michael howell.

scavenger hunt.

i'm kinda missing the words today... i don't know how to put into words exactly what i'm feeling about anything right now.  if you're really curious, go on an adventure for me, ok?  look up these songs:

Here We Are, Juggernaut - Coheed and Cambria

As Long As it Takes - The Spill Canvas

istillfeelher, Pt. 3 - Johnny Craig

I Keep My Secrets Safe - Saosin

New Eyes - Cahill

AND IF YOU'RE NOT COMPLETELY CONFUSED:

Get it Faster - Jimmy Eat World

Just One - Hoobastank

Heads or Tails?  Real or Not.  - Emarosa

23 - Echoed Illusions*

Products of Poverty - Craig Owens

Downtown Song - Anberlin



all great songs!  good luck!

thank you, i love you all.

-michael howell.

* :)

thoughts on 3 video games.

my thoughts on the three video games i've been playing recently:

Gears of War 2:  "i don't see what all the fuss is about"

Red Dead Redemption:  "i don't see what all the fuss is about"

Portal 2:  "oh, NOW i see what all the fuss is about!!!"

thank you, i love you all.

-michael howell.

so my cousin just started this fruit diet... for the entire month he's going to drink fruit juices.  and that's it.

and i'm going to do it with him!

i figured, i wanna lose weight, right?  even if it kills me.

which it probably will.

i'll keep you posted!  :)

-michael howell.