Lately, I've been listening to mid-tempo music through a window.

I love the rain. It's ususally my favorite kind of weather. But lately, I don't know... I'm feeling incredibly... Lonely?

I don't know if that's the right word, because I'm making new friends and connecting even stronger with old ones... My parents are actually happy around me, which is kind of a new thing... I don't know.

I have a friend, Sammy Smith (whose blog is at http://sammysweetheart.blogspot.com/). One of her posts was simply this:

i just want to be special to you
and I want to know it. I want to feel it too.

Which I thought was beautiful. Thank you Sammy. But I really think it what's been wrong with me over the last couple days. I just feel like sometimes I don't matter. That life will be the same for everone on the planet if I wasn't there. Stephen Christian, the singer for Anberlin said it best in his book, The Orphaned Anythings, when he said "I don't care that I'm going to die someday, it's the fact that no one's going to care that scares me." I think everyone on the planet wants to leave some kind of mark here, to be able to say "Look what I did, I made this little corner of the earth better." And when we don't feel like we're doing that, and we feel we've tried everything in our power to do that, we lose the will to live. And I think that's what happened to me. Not to say that I'm suicidal now, and I'm not searching for a sob story, it's just...

Maybe we forget how much people mean to us. And maybe we forget to tell them.

Thank you, I love you all.

-Michael Howell