forgetting and learning.

when you get down, when you think everything sucks and you can't get over what's wrong with you, you look to your friends for help.  they understand, right?  they can help you get through this crazy, messed up thing we call growing up because, hey, they're right with you, right?  they're going through the exact same things you are, right?  they know what to say that'll make everything better, right?

wrong.

the fact is none of us know how to live our lives.  we think we do, but in the end all these things like religion, school, philosiphy, music, art, sports, friends, family, they're all just things we try and fill our lives with so we can give it some kind of direction, or course if you will.

sorry about the random tangent, back on topic...

sometimes friends do know how to make things better.  sometimes.  but most of the time they're advice is this:

"hey, what's done is done.  you just gotta forget about it.  and hey, at least you're not dead, or like living in africa or whatever."

and for some reason, that doesn't really make me feel better.  should it?  i mean, just accepting when you screw up isn't a good thing at all, because you don't recognize it as a bad thing and therefore don't try and change that behavior later.  and at least i'm not dead or in africa?  really?  does that really make my problems seem less in my eyes?  no.  i get it, gaining perspective is a good thing sometimes.  but i choose to live through MY perspective, because that's the only way i know how to live.  i don't know.  i guess i wish i heard something else from my friends.  some of the best advice i've ever heard given was to Anthony Green, lead singer for Circa Survive, and it went kinda like this:

"dude, you NEED to go through this.  because it'll make you stronger."

i don't know, it's a good thought.  especially right now.  and i just hope i have people in my life that understand the difference between forgetting things and learning from them, and i hope they'll help me learn from them.

i'm not sad at all, just contemplating everything that's been going on recently.

thank you, i love you all.

-michael howell.