position of power.

hey guys.

i haven't written in a long time.  too long, probably, but i guess i don't really have a time frame on when i need to write on this thing, do i?   besides, does anyone really read this anymore anyway?

i don't know.  life can get pretty hard sometimes.  which is weird that i would be thinking like that.  i mean, i really have a great life right now.  it's summer, so that means no school (for at least a couple weeks or so), i'm in the best relationship of my life, and i'm going to be playing my dream role of Mark Cohen in RENT.  so why would i be feeling like there's still so much ahead of me?

i hate how the future isn't set in stone.  i hate that there's so much in my life that could still change, still drag me to any place or any one in the world.  lately i've been trying to grab control of my future.  i've been really starting to care about my school work and actively looking for the right job and everything for my future.  but i've been finding that the more i try and reach for my future, the more it slips away from me.  it's a scary thought, that ultimately, no matter what i do, my future could be completely different than the way i want it to be.

so, should i just be enjoying this moment?  or should i try my hardest to put myself into a position of power over my life?

thank you, i love you all.

-michael.